Funny Story

     

      A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.
      He said,"The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman,who was not my wife"
      The audience was in silence and shock.The speaker added,
      "And that woman was my mother"
      Laughter and applause.
      A week later,a top manager trained by the speaker tried to crack this good joke at home.But
      he was already a bit foggy after a drink.
      He said loudly to his wife,who was preparing dinner.
      "The greatest years of my life where spent in the arms of a woman,who!"
       The wife went :"Huh??" with shock and rage.
       Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke,the man finally blurted out.
      " ..........And  i can not remember who she was"
       By the time he regained conciousness,he was on a hospital bed ,nursing burns from boilling water.
       hahahaha

Valentine's Day Special Joke

An eldery man in phoenix calls his son in New York and says,i hate to ruin your day,but i have to tell you that your mother and i are divorcing,forty five years of misery is enough.
Pop,what are you talking about? the son screams.
:We can not stand the sight of each other any longer:,the old man says."We are sick of each other,and i am sick of talking about this.So,you call your sister in Chicago and tell her" and  he hangs up.
The son call his sister,who explodes on the phone.
"They are not getting divorced if i have anything to do about it".She shouts," I'll take care of this".
She calls phoenix immediately,and screams at the old man,"You are not getting divorced.Do not do a thing until i get there.I am calling my brother back,and we'll both be there tomorrow.Until then,don't do a thing,do you hear me?".and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
Ok,They are coming for thankgiving and paying their own fares.
Now what do we tell them for Valentine's Day.hahahahahaha 

 1= Teacher:Ack, why you are doing your math multiplication on the floor?
       Jack: You told me to do it without using tables....

2=Teacher:George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree,but also admitted it.Now ,John,do you know why his father didn't punish him?
 John:Because George still had the axe in his hand.

3=Teacher:Harold,what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
    Harold: A Teacher.

4=Boy calls 911 ,Hello?
     I need your help.
  911=Alright,what is it?
   Boy=Two girls are fighting over me.
   911=So,what's your emergency?
   Boy=The ugly one is winning....hahahahahaha